Making the rounds... NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

[metalman]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

[Finster]

Re: Making the rounds... NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

One small additional contribution:

GROWTH INVESTING -- How you contribute to the growth of your management's stock options.

[bart]

Re: Making the rounds... NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

Some old, some new...



1. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that, 'On the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left'.

2. There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

3. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

4. For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

5. A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.

6. What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

7. What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures, a trader doesn't.