Request For Urgent Business Relationship

[FRED]

To: TRUSTED PERSON
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

DEAR AMERICAN:

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON

AntiSpin: We got this from a friend, origin unknown. But we like.

[Supercilious]

Re: Request For Urgent Business Relationship

yesterday's news
http://www.itulip.com/forums/showpos...01&postcount=4

[GRG55]

Re: Request For Urgent Business Relationship

To: TRUSTED PERSON
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

DEAR AMERICAN:

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON

AntiSpin: We got this from a friend, origin unknown. But we like.

Here's another one doing the rounds [courtesy of Barry Ritholtz's Big Picture blog]. As Jimmy Buffett once pointed out..."Through all of the islands and all of the highlands; If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane..."

"Son, we live in a world that has bonds and those bonds need to be bought by men with balance sheets. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Fuld?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Bear Sterns and curse the short sellers; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Lehman's death, while tragic, probably saved firms and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves markets.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me buying bonds, you need me buying bonds. We use words like TSLF, PDLF, Super SIV. We use them as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick a sub-prime option arm bond and pay par.

Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

[GRG55]

Re: Request For Urgent Business Relationship

Here's another one doing the rounds [courtesy of Barry Ritholtz's Big Picture blog]. As Jimmy Buffett once pointed out..."Through all of the islands and all of the highlands; If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane..."

A couple more from the same source...

"We will be told that the Federal Reserve and the Treasury have finally gotten it right. The scope and size of the proposed program will arrest the decline in home prices, restore stability to the financial markets, enable banks to get back to the business of lending, and restore the confidence of the American consumer.

While the program certainly has each of these points as a goal, the amount of time to achieve each goal is unknowable, but an important factor. Moses was told he would lead the Jews to the Promised Land. He didn’t know it would take 40 years. And, in all due respect to Bernanke and Paulsen, Moses was working with God. They are working with Congress."
-Jim Welsh, Welsh Money Management

************************************************** ******

[GRG55]

Re: Request For Urgent Business Relationship

I see even sober, staid and pinstriped ol' Bloomberg is getting in on the act...

America Must Rescue the Bonuses at Goldman Sachs

...The total collapse of the global financial system is one thing -- everyone at Davos in January saw that coming. But the shrinkage of the Goldman Sachs Group Inc. bonus pool is another. Whatever else the Treasury achieves it must know that if the employees of Goldman suffer any sort of pay cut, it will be judged to have failed. And our country may never recover...

...Goldman needs any revenue it can get its hands on right now. A wiser policy would have been to disallow the short-selling of Goldman's shares alone, and let the other 925 financial-related companies collapse. Goldman was already well-positioned to devour little pieces of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and American International Group Inc. If other firms were allowed to suffer a bit more, Goldman would consume their juiciest bits too, and become stronger for it. (Come to think of it, Goldman should just get it over with and buy Moody's so it can rate its own securities.) Perhaps its share price might cease to fall...

...What's needed is a broader ban on pessimism of any sort. Worrisome newspaper articles, whispered conversations, mildly skeptical thoughts, anything that might adversely affect Goldman's share price: all these, too, must be outlawed...