Martian Oil Find Eclipses Social Security

WASHINGTON (AEP) – NASA announced today the discovery of oil on Mars. Special geologic sensors on one of the two Mars rovers have confirmed the existence of well over 1000 billion barrels of high-quality light sweet crude in easily accessible locations under the Martian surface.

As a result of today’s discovery, Congressional leaders confirmed today in a hastily-called news conference that they had lined up sufficient support from both sides of the aisle to eliminate all benefits payments to Social Security and Medicare recipients. The FICA and Medicare payroll taxes will remain in place and the funds used instead for immediate Martian oil drilling projects and shipment of the crude to Earth.

The bill is expected to sail through Congress, and President Bush has already indicated he will sign it. “This will guarantee security for America and the world for thousands of years,” said Bush.

“Clearly, the need for this money to go toward an immediate program of Martian oil retrieval far outweighs any other uses it may have,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
This article is filed under Oil and Fiction.